Dear Anonymous Haters...

2:00:00 AM

Hi!
You may know me only from what I have posted online. Or maybe you know me in real life. Whichever way it is, I hope you're not quick to judge or hate me. Call me a brat for writing this open letter to whoever you are, just like you I'm currently voicing my opinion.
You know, I've never liked the word 'hate'. To me, it only exists to contradict the word 'love'. There's nothing useful that will come out of that short yet scary word; hate. You may think I sound naive and hypocritical saying stuff like this. 'Oh, so you never hate anyone?' 'You think everyone is a saint?' 'Can't you grow up?'... I can already picture you making faces reading what I just said. But hey, as long as I don't get to see what your face looks like when you read this, I'm perfectly happy:)
Anyway, as I said I hate the word 'hate'. And there's already been too much hate on this post and I'm not liking that. But here's a little story...

A long time ago, so long I want myself to forget about it but it just lingers on my life like that, I learned about 'hate'. I was too little and innocent to ever learn something so infectious and dangerous. I was not ready to shake hands with the dreaded word, let alone knowing and learning what it means. I have never really spoken about this little accident that I had. Because I simply don't like talking about it. It brings too many broken memories all at once. It still hurts even now. But this is just something I want you to know about me other than the stuff you've read or heard or seen.
So, a long time ago, I had this major fight with one of my used-to-be closed friends. Truthfully, she was like my older sister. But I won't bring her up because I don't want this post to sound like I'm cornering her. I'm totally okay with her now, heck I'm so proud of her. But she was that... One day, out of nowhere, even now it still confuses me why she said what she said. I received an email from her. It was simple but hurtful. She said 'I HATE YOU'. It's still clear in my head how those words made a sentence that if I knew what it meant back then it would actually make me question everything in me and every bit of thing I did. Thank God I didn't know what it meant.



I asked my mom and dad what she meant by that and they returned the question. I remember being asked if there was something I said or did wrong to her. I answered no and I kept repeating what it meant. My mom simply said that it meant she didn't like me very much. And ever since, I stopped being friends with her and I stopped being too nice and trusting to anyone. Because I was afraid I would hurt anyone like I hurt her even though I was not sure of what I did wrong. The sadder thing was that I had to learn to not be too friendly and nice to anyone since a very young age. And there appeared my trust issues and unfriendliness. I learned the meaning of the word 'hate' by getting hated by the one friend I never thought would do such a thing. Plus, I was still so young and gullible but learning does not pay age any attention nor pity. And believe me, every time I hear the word hate the memories would immediately come back. Hitting every bit of me and reminding me of how I knew what 'hate' really means.


There's my story. Don't be sorry and go ahead you can call me a dramatic bitch. But let me tell you, it's never beautiful what hate can do to anyone. After that incident, I have tried my best not to hate anyone for whatever reason even if they deserve it. It's never beautiful to hate and to be hated. It's actually the worst feeling in the world and if anyone says otherwise I am sure they're just being overly sarcastic or they have felt too much of the feeling that they're used to it by now. Sad, right?
Like love, hate is powerful. See you can't regularly say you love a person so much. It's too cheesy and wasteful. You have to appreciate the word and use it wisely. It goes the same with hate. But it's not about appreciating but it's about being absolutely careful with it. You can't go around spreading hate like it's a piece of cake everyone can enjoy. It's not that desirable to spread and receive hate. Trust me. So, the only times I have failed trying not to hate are the times I tried to be absolutely careful and appropriate to use it. Other than that, it's almost forgotten from my collection of vocabularies.
Although I try to spread more love than hate, the trust issues and unfriendliness are still there. I can come off really unlikable to anyone because of what happened years ago. See, it's so dangerous what hate can do to a person and what it can make a person do. So, here is me addressing you about what you did to me. This is me being a coward (I've learned a lot from you from your anonymous hateful comments) confronting you.

I'm sure you've read my stuff, seen my stuff, heard my stuff, and maybe even met me in real life. Or I have this feeling that you're a friend of a friend who does not really know me or who only knows me from what they've read, seen, or heard. Whatever it is, I want to ask you simple questions I know you'll know the answers to. Why do you hate me so much? Do I bother you? Does everything I do make you feel irritated? What did I do wrong? Did I say anything offensive? Or do you just hate me? Do answer those questions.

First of all, I was actually very curious about who you are. However, the more I tried to guess who you might be the more I felt so stupid. Because hey, it's useless knowing who you might be. Your name, your life, and you as a whole won't really make my life any less hectic. In fact, you would actually make it even more hectic which is not something I'm interested in. Therefore, I'm no longer interested in your name or your story. Plus, you're only here to bring me down, pressuring me with hate, making me feel like a piece of crap, and not actually getting me any success. You are as useless as hate in my life. And I would rather not know anything about you because why should I pay attention to the people who can't even appreciate my work and can't even be bothered to get to know me first before making any judgments towards me?
Second of all, do you really think the stuff I write on the internet can define me as a whole person? Are you really that naive? The things I write on here or anywhere else on my social media platforms are only small percentages of my entire life. There are so many other things I choose to not show publicly. Just like you. You don't even show your name. And I don't even judge you for that. Okay, maybe a little. I mean, hating anonymously? It's pretty pathetic, you know. You can just tell me straight to my face, that would've been less coward of you. And I would've been more accepting and open about it. Anyway, yeah... There's a thing called 'life' and 'privacy'. Those two are nowhere to be found on any of my social media platforms. And it is incredibly ridiculous of you to be able to judge me so quickly based on only small percentages of my entire life that I choose to let people see through the internet. What makes you think you can describe me as a worth-hating human being based on only the things you've read, seen, or heard of me? It can actually be pretty simple, you know. If you find my work uninteresting, leave it. If you find my work annoying or offensive, please tell it to my face or write an email or send me motivational criticism so that I can grow into a better person who can actually make you hate me less. Doesn't that sound a lot more peaceful to you?
Third of all, hating me is dangerous both to you and I. It will affect me emotionally and I can turn into a much more unlikable person. Nobody wants that. None of my friends and family wants that to happen. I can say the things that make you question your self-esteem and it won't sound beautiful at all. I can turn just as cruel and hurtful as you are in bringing people down. But I choose not to. Because why would I sink that low to your level if I'm already floors higher than where you're standing? You're trying to bring me down. If that doesn't sound like I'm already above you, you're a joke. See what I did? That's me being incredibly hideous in using my opinion. And I don't like that. I don't like hate to control me like that and turn me into another human whose mouth only speaks craps. If I keep saying hurtful things like this to you, it makes me no different than you. Hating will also affect you. Don't believe me? Well, you should. Hating me and giving judgmental and hurtful comments will only show how much of an incredibly ugly person at heart you are. At least in my eyes and my friends' and family's eyes, you're nothing but a worthless anonymous whose only talent is attacking passive aggressively behind screens. I know you're more than that as a person but if you're sacrificing so much good in you just to throw shit at me, you're not getting anywhere. You're only getting your hands dirty, buddy:) See that? It's what hate can do to the both of us. So, why don't we make a truce? You be you, I'll be me. It's as simple as that.

Okay, I may say that I don't care about what people think of me. I really don't. Because if I do, I'm screwed. People have mouths that I can't always shut with my hands. And I have ears opened so wide that every time they speak I can easily hear them. I'd rather cover my ears than to shut their mouths. It's easier. But receiving all those hates and being told that I'm 'well-hated' by a lot of people, it itches me. Especially when you receive it daily as if it's a medicine or something.It amazingly hurts me somehow even though I tell everyone I do not care.
What did I ever do to you? Please, tell me. I'm so okay to apologize but I have to know what I did wrong. Apologizing is not as cheesy as telling someone you like them. I'm afraid that if I apologize without knowing my mistake I will most likely repeat it and it can be hurtful to the both of us. So, if I ever did something wrong to you, tell it to my face I will gladly say sorry. Don't go all anonymous on me and hate me instead. It's the very last thing I want you to do if I ever make any mistake.
Truthfully, I'm not scared of you. Not even a bit. Because I'm not a loser who sits alone at home promoting hateful comments. I have a life. And I suggest you should get one, too. It's for your own good. Mind your own business if you're only here to anonymously mess with mine. I want to listen to your advice so bad but if you're giving it with a touch of hate and judgment, no thank you. I have more people I can trust and whom I know that can openly give me suggestions and correct my stuff if I say or do things wrongly. I don't, not even the slightest bit, want you in my life. I don't need anything related to hate in my life. So, scoot over or maybe leave me alone:)

You know, if this was a battle with winners you have probably won. You have successfully bring out some of my worst sides. You have let myself give into you a little too much. I got comments from people saying that because of your hateful words, I turn to and look like a different person. My friends told me that I was being an idiot for replying to you. Well, they weren't the only one recognizing the ugly changes in me. I felt it myself, even now I still think I have changed into a cruel monster. But I need to let this out. I need to have a moment with you so maybe you can taste a bit of your own medicine when reading this. I'm not intentionally writing this to offend you or revenge you. But I'm just here letting you know how hurtful a person can get when they choose hate's side. But again, you've won.
However, winning this does not make you any better than me. It only makes you worse. So, I hope you regret saying those things to me as much as I regret spending my time writing this open letter to you:) I'm not here to start a bigger war with you. I'm not here to promote hate like you. I'm here to end things. From now on, I promise to delete all anonymous hateful comments not because I'm afraid but because I have a much happier life without it. I can take all the hate which itches me all day, I'll end up getting used to it. But I'm not sure you can handle not having power to throw shit at me because I guess it's the only thing you can do to keep up with me.

And lastly, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if something I did or said bothered you or hurt you. No, this is not a wasteful apology. I genuinely am sorry if I did you wrong in one way or another. I can assure you I didn't mean to:) I'm an imperfect human being just like the majority of you, dear anonymous haters. I can say and do things imperfectly although I'm a perfectionist at heart. I make mistakes and so do you. I understand that. So, let's call it a night and stay peaceful. You do you, I'll do me. It's that simple. You don't like my stuff, leave it alone. You want to criticize me on that, tell it to my face. You want to discuss things with me, show me your name and your background then we'll talk things out open-mindedly. Live life peacefully. Don't mess with people if you don't want people to mess with you. Be respectful to each other then maybe people can respect you:) Like bullshits, things go around come around. It's a gigantic society. Your words can fly back to your face in just seconds if you're not careful of who you're throwing it at:)

So, good night. I hope you have a lovely evening and I promise you, this is the last thing you will ever have to hear from me. I won't ever say a word about you or to you anymore after this and you can take that as a promise:) Have a pleasant day, dear anonymous haters! Have a pleasant life, too:) You really need it:)
Love,
Yasmin Hanan.

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2 comments

  1. How proud your parents are! Thank you for always showing positive mind.

    I'm with you, kaka.

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you:) Truthfully we just can't deal hate with hate.

      Much love:)

      Delete