Where's The Door To Happiness???

9:16:00 PM

Too often, the only escape is sleep. -Charles Bukowski.
How's your Ramadan so far? Great? Well, that's awesome to hear. Mine is also going really good and perfect. What's not going so perfect is invitations coming from every group of friends I have and they just manage to arrange the occasion on the same date. I'm having a hard time confirming which I'll be going to but hopefully I can attend every single one of them because I have missed my friends so much and I would really love to catch up with them.

You know it's getting pretty boring at home doing almost nothing. All I've been doing these past few weeks were just eating, sleeping, praying, and repeating the same things the next day. So, I kind of need some escape. And here you are reading my blog that is going to talk about an escape, a beautiful one in that matter.

So, what's an escape?

According to Meriam-Webster dictionary, an escape is to get away from a place where you are being held or kept. It's also said that an escape is a way of running away from a place or situation. I owe Meriam-Webster dictionary a big thank because it defines the word correctly. However, as always, I have my own definition of an escape. I am responsible of my own meaning behind the word escape. And I know you also have your own escape; something or some explanation that gives the word a meaning which you can relate to. I really hope you can share it just like what I'm about to do.

What is an escape to me?

It is everything that eases my mind and puts it into rest. Everything that makes me happy, everything that shuts those little voices inside my head, everything that does not scare me, everything that provides me a sense of peace. Those things are my escape.

I am the perfect example of a person who suffers from trust issues. I don't trust a lot of people and when I do, I hope those people won't betray me. And once I am betrayed, the suffering gets worse. Every time. This makes it hard for me to tell anyone about my problems and the things that run around inside my head. That is why I need a sort of escape. I'd rather run away from my problems by the help of a book than by telling people what I'm feeling. Whether I'll find the solutions along the pages of the book I'm reading or not, I still think it is better when I keep certain things to myself.

Now you're probably wondering where I transfer all those feelings, thoughts, and uneasiness to. I push them aside every time I find a good book. I'm a hardcore reader but I never read one book twice. I also push those disturbing things to the side whenever I listen to a good song. The song sometimes may or may not reflect how I feel. However, I still enjoy them very much because as I said, it gives me a sense of peace. And there are several other important things I have as my escape whenever I need to get away from my own thoughts and nightmares and anxieties.

Number one, writing.

Since I'm not bitching about my problems to people, I find writing very convenient. It's kind of like talking to people but not actually talking to people. It's a lot more comforting, systematic, and peaceful. I talk a lot and joke a lot but over the past few months I have stopped being that talk-active and gullible. I switched off from being that girl who was always open to anyone to a girl who keeps things to herself. And I kind of like it. That way, the only time I will ever have to tell anybody about my issues is when I write. Like now. And I enjoy this so much more than I enjoy talking. However, I still like telling stories, sharing experiences, and discussing things with people. It's only my problems that I have stopped sharing or telling.

What kind of things do I write when I feel the need to get away from things?

I write poems. Sometimes, I write stories, too. A few days ago, I was literally so full of my own thoughts about some irrelevant things and I managed to produce some poems. Brief ones. Not the Kahlil Gibran type. Just some that can quiet down my head and those little voices. When I write poems, they are mostly romantic ones. I once wrote a poem called "Rumah" or in English it's "Home". Amazingly, the number of likes and shares people gave me on LINE were unbelievable. I wrote that poem because I was bored and tired. It was a random one but seeing people liking it, it motivated me to write some more. For months I was always peaceful and okay. I was always writing; I was always escaping the things I actually needed to deal with at the time.

Here are the masterpieces I used to write back then...

Number 2, cinematography and photography. Those two are always able to make me happy. They take me to another world where I can cut and trim what's not important and keep what's best. They also let me experience how it feels to look at things through lenses where every angle is limited and measured, every focus matters, and every character has a story. That kind of escape really does give me the best leisure.

I started to like cinematography when I was still in grade 9. I went on Youtube and found these two very handsome twins, the Harries Twins. Jack and Finn Harries, two very amazing youtubers who develop their careers through Youtube. They were just a few years older than me but they made such amazing contents on their channel. I was always fascinated at their edits and their endless ideas. It wasn't just some fangirl stuff I was on about. I was more engaged with how incredibly young they were when they chose to make videos and ended up having the best things in life. Finn is now currently in New York, studying architecture I believe. And I haven't heard about Jack. But they were always my inspiration in making videos.

So, I decided to create a channel my own. I started to film some videos. It was fun. I was always a detail-oriented kind of person so editing was never an issue for me. I like trimming videos in milliseconds, inserting background musics, capturing people's weird and awkward moves. I just like videoing things because every time I do, I feel like I capture life's best moments in moving pictures. And I began to dig filming a lot more and succeeded in making a short film with some of my other friends. We would go to some places to shoot some scenes. We would go tired because it took freaking forever to get the perfect shot. We would have troubles with batteries, lighting, sounds, angles, and every other thing that a movie needs. We would go head to head because as a scriptwriter I always had some things in mind that didn't quite match the director's ideas. We would wait for each other and ate at McD's from nine o'clock in the morning to two at noon. It was always fun and I do miss it now.

When I went to London with my family to have a two-week vacation, I filmed the trip. The short film was all my doing. I had the chance to produce a documentary kind of short film and showcase my passion in filming. And that time, I was the director, the person behind the camera, and also the editor myself. I had the freedom to do whatever I pleased for my short movie. It is now posted on my Youtube channel.

Here's a clip...

Number 3, music. Music is probably everyone's escape. When people feel down, they will listen to some songs and enjoy the lyrics as if every word describes their situation perfectly. On the other hand, whenever they feel happy or in love, they will listen to songs and enjoy the groove. But music really does take people to places. Music can act as a punching bag for those who are so mad at life. It can also be a comfy pillows or blankets for those who need warm hugs and cuddles. And for people like me, music is another word for time. It is a period of time where I can enjoy myself and feel absolutely okay even though in reality it isn't so much like that. Music provides me just the right space to cry and just let things out. And that is why it is one of my ultimate escape.

I play music and I sing. I used to join a choir as mezzo singer and an orchestra as a violinist. But I got tired of being in both musical groups and I tried playing things by my own in the end. I watched some videos and learned some chords. I left the violin after my last concert in grade 10 and began playing the guitar. I learned the guitar when I was in grade 8, I believe. It was my belieber years meaning that the first songs I ever learned on the guitar was Justin Bieber's old songs. I learned to play "Baby" and it turned out to be easy. Ever since, my love for music grew. I don't just play to gain attentions or to let people know I can play or whatnot. I play because it's fun and it really does take me places. Mostly happy ones. I like it when I play some songs on the guitar, I get to feel the song so much more. It eases my anxiety and every other messy things that are going inside my head.

A few years ago, on my 15th birthday if I'm not mistaken, I asked my dad if he would buy me a keyboard for my birthday present. He did buy me one and I learned to play it on my own. I knew only some basic chords and over the years, I kind of freestyle my way so I can play myself some songs. I would also find some notes on my own and did some little twist. Usually when I play the keyboard, I tend to also sing. I've made some attempts on covering some of the most popular songs. But lately I have stopped making some more because I prefer to just sing in my room for myself rather than for a lot of people to hear. Somehow I get even more reserved these past months and I don't know why. Haha... But yeah, you can hear my old covers on soundcloud if you were wondering.

So, yeah... Music has always been one of the most reliable escapes I always go to every time I'm not in my best mood. Whenever I feel like crap, I would open youtube and browse for some music that might cheer me up. Somehow it never fails to make me comfortable and happy again after such a crappy mood. And I'm that person who can replay a song for a whole week straight if I'm in love with the song. These are a few of my eternal and current favorites:

Let It Go - James Bay
Lost - Michael Bublé
Sir Duke - Stevie Wonder
Isn't She Lovely - Stevie Wonder
Enchanted - Taylor Swift
I Won't Give Up - Jason Mraz
This I Promise You - N*SYNC
One Last Cry - Brian McKnight
Marry Your Daughter - Brian McKnight
I Was Here - Beyoncé
All I Ask - Adele
Usai Di Sini - Raisa
Jatuh Hati - Raisa
Pemeran Utama - Raisa
Terjebak Nostalgia - Raisa
LDR - Raisa
Terimakasih Cinta - Afgan
Tale As Old As Time
A Whole New World
A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes

Number 4, doodles and art.

I'm literally a living piece of tangled thread. I'm all over the place and that may be the reason why my head is always so full of stuff. Every now and then, things like global warming, corruptions, poverty, concerts, foods, pizzas, perfumes, shoes, and random stuff like that would appear in my head and I would always feel overwhelmed and tired because of them. So, I decided to buy myself a sketchbook a long time ago. I was so eager to pour everything out onto those drawing papers. I wanted every random thought I had to be perfectly drawn on the paper so whenever I would feel bored later I could look at it and re-think about it at a more peaceful state of mind. 

I can't remember when it was when I bought my very first sketchbook but I do remember that I went inside the store and accidentally let my eyes fell upon a stack of sketchbooks and thought to myself that I needed to purchase one of those. I picked one up and handed it to my mom so she could pay for it. Then, I began doodling. I'm not an entirely artsy person so I doodle what I want to and how I want to. To me, my drawings don't really need to meet up any requirements or measurements. I just let my fingers sketch and fill in the blank spaces by my own will. And up until now, I still have them with me. Some are stuck in between school papers and I am too lazy to look for it.

Here are some of the works I have created...

Number 5, last one, is The Qur'an. I'm totally saving the very best for the very last.

I have experienced so many heartbreaks before I was finally, completely happy with myself. During those times, things got messier and nightmares turned scarier. I can say I was lost. I developed my anxiety during those times and I swore at everything and everyone that broke me. Throughout those tough times, I finally had the brain to seek help from Allah. And I prayed. Let me tell you, those four other escapes may work at most times but Allah works all the time.

So, I prayed and decided to read the Qur'an. At first, my intention was I needed some help to fix myself. I read the Qur'an not because of Allah but because I was so selfish I needed the best help I could get. But I read it anyway. Somewhere along reading it and crying while reading it, I finally lost my initial intention. I finally just did it willingly because of Allah. And nothing has ever felt that amazing in my life. I felt like I was found again. I felt okay and I gradually recover from my heartbreaks and hard times. All the swears and tears were all washed away by every verse I read. It was not just some casual escape or temporary one. It was literally the only escape I ever needed.

Every now and then, I still play music or doodle or write whenever I feel lost. But I will always return to Qur'an whenever I need a friend, a help, a book to invest my whole time in. It is truly Allah's holiest gift and I couldn't have asked for a much better escape rather than Qur'an. It immediately gives me peace the moment I start to read it whenever I read it. Although I don't really learn Arabic anymore or remember much of it (I used to have Arabic class when I was in elementary school), Qur'an still gives me the best healing I need to fix myself and to relax myself. It is as if everything I read is every medicine and getaway I need. It is truly amazing and I am so lucky I have it as a friend, a help, a guide, and a holy book. Allah is truly the best listener and comforter and I am more than blessed to have such amazing and merciful and powerful substance to believe in. Alhamdulillah, subhanallah, masyaAllah...

And those are my runaways!

Sometimes, we do need to get away from certain things in life to regain our self control. We tend to seek the best help we can get whenever we feel like we need one. An escape is at times necessary. However we can't just always turn to it. But The Qur'an, whether or not we need help, it will always be a friend we can lean on at any given time. Other escapes may or may not heal us but The Qur'an will never fail to comfort us and stay with us.

So, what are your escape? Where do you run to whenever bad things happen in your life? What brings you to your happy place or places maybe? Please, be pleased to share:)

See you on my next post! Happy fasting, everyone!

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